Men of an Abandoned Time

How a taste of lust, flesh, and desire drove two successful men into poverty-stricken vagabonds. 

- Paraphrased excerpt from The Great American Novel, Days of Old and New Merge, written by acclaimed author Mr. StandupWillCody

Two strong, handsome, and powerful friends were standing together. Both admiring what they see looking back in the mirror. Had they been alone, they may have fallen victim like young Narcissus was to the river. 

The more thoughtful man remembered his friend’s presence, turns, and proudly states, “I have a plan.”  

The more cautious, yet eccentric, man asks “Why what plan could you have? I thought our lives were successful, happy and bountiful. We have beautiful families, can afford our mortgage, and even have a few pennies put away in savings.”

The thoughtful, yet bohemian man said “Yes, you are right friend, but we can always have more. Why accept being a simple cog when we could be the entire wheel that moves free will in our direction?”

The eccentric man pauses to ponder this, but quickly becomes distracted with his reflection.

Bohemian continues. “I have us a niche. See, most people now a days only know what is presented to them online. Filtered, photoshopped, fluffed pictures of humans. But…you go out in real life; you don’t see that quality of action. I believe we got what some folks would call “Jizzface.” High end, attractive looking fellas that don’t need no eye telephones.  Based on our experience in the 90s, we got that smooth edge, dark humor, not sure what we’re gonna do next type funk that people want to be around.”

Eccentric man listened on while looking in the mirror. Had he stopped it right there and then, he now may still have a place to use the restroom without strangers looking. But, like both of their vices, the mirror was their undoing.

Soon after, they had a good year or two of which Bohemian had predicted it all. Women, men, and self-identified “they” melted at their hands like gelato on a warm Italian day.  Their kids were now nearly teenagers, so they didn’t have to pay attention to them anymore. They could solely focus on themselves.

Their imminent decline began when generational broods began to notice they were not getting the tinder swipes they had become so accustomed to. This caused the historically known “mass creation” of fake accounts. Accounts that posed as attractive women in order to gather reconnaissance of the competition.

The more broods swiped the more they picked up on a trend. Peculiarly enough, more men wore the looks of barbarians of a forgotten past. Strange swellings across their bodies, unkept facial hair, hands like tar, covered of wrinkles and blistered scars. These disgusting, diseases of a hominid appeared to be plundering all the swipes.

A series of forums were created where people of today gathered to deliberate required actions. In these forums, lurkers quietly gathered that knew these creatures from a forgotten, bygone era. An era which must not be examined but erased.

Now as fathers, mothers, grandparents, they must expose the atrocities of the past. No longer single and free willed they must create their own story of who they were. Not someone of one-night stands, excessive drinking, and experiments of flesh. As respectable citizens, the world must know that we may forgive our past, but it still must be held accountable.

Soon to be, Bohemian and Eccentric's planet promptly came tumbling down.  Their one liners no longer landed like they once did, their children refused to speak with them, and their now ex-wives are married to stay at home dads. Soon after, the jobs they so steadily held for all these years quickly came crashing as a series of EO and workplace harassment complaints were filed.

Now, living under a bridge they bask in their illusions of redemption. They believe in a world where a man can unconditionally be himself. Where people that lack the confidence to believe in themselves can accept, they are only there for those that do. Conclusively, a little "laugh, smash, and into the past" is the secret the human race craves but will never confess.